How do we raise happy kids?
We want our kids to be happy and will go to great lengths to “make” them happy.
This question always reminds me of a story when I was 7 months pregnant with our first kid, and Father John Carney had some words of wisdom.
A Wise Baby Blessing
It was the end of a fundraiser, and my husband and I were shuffling out with the crowd.
My 7-month-old pregnant belly was making my back and ankles ache, and I waddled along, trying to follow my husband between the crammed banquet tables.
Father John Carney came right up to me, between tables and smiled.
I was not raised Catholic and had never met Father Carney nor most people at this fundraiser.
He asked, “May I?” gesturing towards my big belly (I had gained 60 lbs!! See how I lost 30 lbs. 2 weeks after labor!) and I nodded and moved my own hands to my sides.
It was a tad awkward for just a sec as I was alone, my husband about 10 yards ahead of me and not yet aware what was happening.
By this time a small crowd had gathered, as Father Carney had just given an inspiring speech and many had found their way towards him to thank and congratulate him.
John quickly realized that I wasn’t next to him and looked back to see Father was about to start a prayer and blessing so he trotted over to meet us.
This was our first child and we didn’t really know how intensely our lives were about to change. Father Carney sensed this, especially with my enthusiastic hubby smiling and introducing himself as the “Proud Daddy”.
Love Each Other
“Well,” said the priest, “get some sleep now because you won’t be able to soon.”
Both of us nodded largely, like we knew what he meant, “We will! We will!” We had NO idea…
The gathered guests and my hubby and I bowed our heads as he blessed our unborn baby. I can’t remember exactly what he said, but it brought tears to my first-kid-have-no-idea-whats-about-to-happen-hormone-crazy-eyes. He was so gentle yet confidently intense.
Father John Carney smiled at me and held my belly between his hands, one hand on my belly and one on my back.
“If you want happy kids, love each other deeply.”
It’s always stuck with me.
He was right. To Love Each Other, even when you don’t want to. That’s not easy. It’s a choice, daily.
Love is a verb, not a noun in a marriage. It’s our actions that show love. Our words and tone show love. And that choice, to love your spouse or your kids when you want to drop kick them into tomorrow… that takes GRACE.
Be Mindful: Our Kids Are Watching Us
Our kids watch how we talk to each other, how we resolve conflicts or arguments, how we solve problems that are outside of our family.
They also watch much more than that!! Like how we walk and they mimic our movements. Our kids watch how we breathe and they breath the same way. They mimic a lisp and/or swallow like we do.
If you throw a ball really far, efficiently and effortlessly, your kids–boys AND girls–will too.
If you:
- Roll your neck forward
- Drag one of your feet
- Respond with yelling
- Pout when you lose
- Blame others
- Pray out loud each day
- Stay up late
- Get up early
- Enjoy life
- Complain about life.
- Smile
- Help others
One thing is clear if you are a parent: your kids will mimic you.
Our kids watch how we brush our teeth, what we eat in the morning or before bed. They mimic how we nod to strangers. My daughter clears her throat just like I do. I see my kids wipe their fingers on their pants like their Dad…
It’s cool and eerie at the same time. Lots of responsibility…but a big reminder that setting a loving example is extremely important.
It’s not easy.
It takes work, but the rewards are countless, to see happy kids.
Be Kind To One Another
I can tell that my kids are watching my husband & I say “I love you,” or playfully banter with each other. It comes out when they are with their friends or with a courting boyfriend/girlfriend hopeful.
Kindness really matters. When we are kind to one another, it has a ripple affect with the kids in their lives.
Smile at each other, compliment each other and help each other with daily life.
The kids are watching.
When they go out into the world, it’s great to hear them role play with kindness. That type of energy shines through and touches everyone around them.
Laugh Together As A Couple
Laughing and having fun as parents and as a family is a great way to have happy kids.
Laughter is so powerful! It’s stress relieving and has many wonderful effects on us.
Check out this great article: Laughter Is The Best Medicine
Our family loves to laugh together. I think one of my kid’s favorite things to do is a tickle fight! They love making me laugh! And, even though I feel like “I don’t have time”, I always feel better afterwards.
We all laugh together, and are left smiling, happy and calm. Plus, it’s hard to be angry with someone after you have had a tickle fight, or an old fashioned Belly Laugh together.
I try to remember that laughter is healing, not a time consuming bother.
Make Time For Feeling Happy
Make time for each other and the rewards are huge.
It’s important to MAKE TIME for things that matter. Time ticks by, and what is important can have more or less of those ticks. Happy kids are important; a happy marriage is important and making time to nurture both is a priority.
When married couples take time and energy to spend time together and go on dates, the kids see their commitment & focus.
They are excited to go on “dates” with each parent. My kids LOVE going on dates with us, and have fun coming up with our next “date night” idea.
A “date” doesn’t need to be expensive or long. Even just a short walk, a drive around the neighborhood, a cup of tea together, can mean a lot. This focused one-on-one time is special.
By putting our marriage first and making time for Date Nights, the relationship has its own life and really matters. And the kids realize that their relationship with each parent, separately & together, also matters and needs its own alone time.
I love the analogy of “filling up the tank with Love”, and that’s how I see the time we spend in quality time with a special person. It’s filling up each person’s tank with love
Take Care of Yourself
Having happy kids, and a happy YOU, requires us to take care of ourselves!
Many parents put kids first and forget to take care of our own needs. I sure do.
Practicing Self Care, getting regular exercise, eating healthy foods, getting enough rest… we all know WHAT to do.
Show our kids how to put their mental, spiritual and physical health first!
Start simple:
- Sit down for hot tea
- Take deep breaths
- Stretch
- Nap
- Take a walk
- Hug your kids
- Pray
These are also important for raising happy kids. I know I’m preaching to the choir, but If we aren’t healthy & strong (emotionally, physically, mentally & spiritually), then we can’t take care of the people we love.
We can encourage each other in a marriage to take care of ourselves, and hope that our kids are still watching when we do.
Conclusion
Raising happy kids happens naturally when you have a happy marriage.
In a marriage, a few things that can help raise happy kids include:
- Love each other deeply
- Be kind to one another
- Laugh and have fun
- Make time for dates with spouses and kids
- Take care of yourself!
When we show love, compassion and kindness in a marriage, our kids learn to have love, kindness and compassion within their own lives.
Related Posts:
- Self Care
- Family Love
- Quality Time With Dad: What Really Works
- How to Communicate with your Teens: 8 Simple Tips
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